Last time, we met an old friend, convinced an enemy to be a little nicer to us, and made an important point about gun safety around children. This time, we're going to do all three of those again!
Pretty good time!
Polnareff: ...Huh? Doesn't that... seem like too much time? I was told we only had 50 days to start with... Joseph: ...Hm? Now that you mention it... You're right! Bradio: ...Maybe Miss Holly is resistant to Dio's curse? Abdul: Hm, that's certainly possible. Still, we can't count on that for long... Let's go to Cairo by train, Mr. Joestar. From Luxor, it's the quickest method besides flying. Joseph: Yes... That should be best.
This is the exact same scene we saw in Update 38, but we get the character's names now since we met them directly in the Submarine Route.
Though you can get the Submarine Route on your first go, I think it's kind of neat to get this scene without context first and then realize on the second go that you straight up saw this happen.
Yeah, if Midler actually scores, then who knows what'd happen to Part 6?
I've read there's a way for Raul and DJ Inc to survive in Chaos Mode, but it requires a lot of stuff to line up across the entire game. Just for starters, we'd somehow have to get twice as much Surplus Fate Energy as we currently have.
Back to the Cairo outskirts!
Bradio: ...Seems like our chances are slim to none. Abdul: There must be someone who knows... Joseph: Let's go... We'll ask someone else. ???: ...I know that building. There's no mistaking it.
Joseph: Hey! Are you the one who spoke just now!? Did you just say you know it!? Card-Shuffling Man: Why, yes. I do know the mansion in that picture. Joseph: For real!? Are you serious!? Abdul: That's great! Polnareff: Yes! I didn't think we'd find someone this quickly... Talk about a lucky break! Card-Shuffling Man: ......... Joseph: Where is it!? Please tell us! Card-Shuffling Man: .........You expect me to tell you for free? Joseph: ! Oh, yes... I apologize. Here's 10 pounds... Now, where is it?
Card-Shuffling Man: Now! Which slice of fish do you think the cat will eat first? The left one!? Or the right one!? What do you say? It's mundane, but thrilling, is it not? Polnareff: Man, you're getting on my nerves!! Just take the 30 pounds and tell us where it is, you son of a...!! Joseph: Calm down, Polnareff. That's no way to speak to someone who's offered to help us. Polnareff: OK! I'll play with you, then! I pick the right one! Card-Shuffling Man: GOOD! In that case, I pick left. Now let the fun begin!
Abdul: (Hey, Jotaro... Don't you think there's something off about this guy?) Jotaro: (Yeah... He could be a Stand user... But he might also be some regular gambling-obsessed lunatic...) Abdul: (Jotaro. If he tries anything funny, then punch him out with Star Platinum as fast as you can.) Jotaro: (Got it.) Bradio:(What should I do?) Abdul:(Go order us some drinks, please. Five iced teas.) Bradio:(...okay.)
Polnareff: Yeah! I won! Card-Shuffling Man: Khh... That damn cat... Polnareff: Come on! You better tell us where the goddamn building is! Card-Shuffling Man: I'm not... I can't...
As much as I love the ways you can beat D'arby in this game, this Chaos Mode event is pretty funny.
Card-Shuffling Man: I... I've seen it before... In Old Cairo... Polnareff: This guy! He was a Stand user all along!? Abdul: But why did it show up!? It looked like he didn't do anything! Card-Shuffling Man: Gh... gahh... Jotaro: ...Looks like you were pressured by your Stand, and it spat out the location... So... You'd be in danger if you didn't tell us... That's what happened. Card-Shuffling Man: Ugh!! Bradio: How dangerous was it!? Jotaro: ...If you lose a bet, something happens to you... That's his power, given the circumstances. Polnareff: Eh!? Talk about a close call... Card-Shuffling Man: Aaaaah!
Card-Shuffling Man: (-rattle, rattle-) Polnareff: Such urgency... This guy... Bradio: !... No way. Maybe he knows what Dio's Stand is! Card-Shuffling Man: (-huff, huff, huff, huff, huff-) Abdul: I know this behavior. This attitude! You know Dio's secret! But... If he speaks, he'll surely die. If you're a traitor, you'll be killed... That's why... Bradio: ...Even if he doesn't tell us, Mr. Joestar's Hermit Purple can look into his thoughts. We'll know one way, or the other. Card-Shuffling Man: (-huff, huff, huff, huff, huff-) Jotaro: Come on! Talk! Answer us! Let's hear you say it loud and clear!
Gottem.
Abdul: I think we should keep asking around town. I'm sure there's someone who knows. Polnareff: Gathering information is important and all, but I say we should stop by the hotel first. There are probably still some enemy Stand users on the prowl... We'll need to save our strength if we want to stand a chance! Bradio:I'm with Abdul. I don't think we can check in for another few hours, anyway.
With that, the camera moves elsewhere...
We'd know that ridiculous hat anywhere!
[BANG!]
Boingo: Mmph! Mmph! Mmmgghh! Hol Horse: Boingo. I know you hate me, so this was the only way I could get you on the plane... Boingo: Wwwhhhmmmgghh! Mmmfmmf... Mmmhhh!! Hol Horse: Don't try to be cute with me, Boingo! You know your brother's stuck in the hospital for another month! From now on, you work with me, Hol Horse! Boingo: Mmmmph hmmmff mmff!! Hol Horse: With your book and my gun, those Joestars won't know what hit 'em! Right, Boingo? Boingo: Wmmmmghghmmfmmhh... Mmh... Mmmh... Mmmmgh! Hol Horse: I know you're extremely antisocial... That you don't trust anyone but your big bro Oingo... But you wanna get revenge for him, right? You don't want to grow up to be a wimp, do you, Boingo? I dunno about you, but I never leave a job half-done! Fight, Boingo! Avenge him! Boingo: ...Mm... mm... mm... Hol Horse: I'm going to take the duct tape off now... But you have to promise not to scream or cry, alright? Boingo: (M-mm! ...Mm-hmm!) Hol Horse: Heh heh heh... Atta boy. There's no need to be nervous. You'll make yourself sick. I'm your buddy... Just ease up and relax... Relax...
This scene would probably be way more off-putting if it wasn't Comic Relief Serial Loser Hol Horse doing it. We know firsthand he is merely an asshole womanizer, not like, a creep.
Hol Horse: ......... Boingo: Bleaugh... Euuugh! Hol Horse: ...............Well, well, a little airsick, are we...? Boingo: Uuuugh... Hol Horse: Still, we're friends from now on... Boingo... Boingo: Bleeeaaaauuuuuggghh... Taxi Driver:What's going on back there!? Boingo:Eururugugghhhh... bleughghhh... Hol Horse:It doesn't concern you! Boingo:Uuuuuuuuuughheueeeegh... Taxi Driver:What's that smell!? Boingo:Hoororururaaaaagggghh... Hol Horse:Shut up and drive! Taxi Driver:This'll cost you extra! Boingo:AUWAUUGHHHHACCGHGHGGGHHHH
Boingo's portrait looks like this because that's the art style of his comic book Stand, Thoth. I'm slightly annoyed Oingo has his own "normal" portrait in the files while Boingo doesn't... and it's biting me in the ass because the game uses it exclusively for when they're reading the comic. Eh, you'll figure it out.
This actually is pretty good info. At least it ain't "can't say I have."
Boingo: M-m-m-m-my... My... my... my pre... Hol Horse: You're trying to say "my predictions are 100% accurate!", right!? Boingo: Y-yes! Hol Horse: D-damnit... No-one in their right mind would believe this! Not in a hundred million years!
Boingo (Thoth): Hol Horse is mad! Boingo is mad too! But Hol Horse can't use his Emperor just yet! Ready, Hol Horse!? Stick your fingers into Polnareff's nose! Theeeen... tickle him! Hooray! They started bleeding and passed out! Lucky you, Hol Horse! It's the perfect chance to kill them all! Hol Horse (Thoth):Approved by the Comics Code Authority!
Hol Horse:And who knows what weird French germs are up in there? Boingo: Y-y-y-y-you... C-c-can't... s-shoot them... yes... I-i-i-if you try to fire... Fate will... force you to do o-otherwise... I-I-I-I-I believe it... I-if you don't... follow the comic... Y-y-y-y-you... ...will suffer... I-i-i-it's destiny... I'm one-hundred-percent sure! Hol Horse: That didn't keep your brother from failing! Boingo: M-m-my brother... turned into Jotaro... ...t-to protect himself... If he didn't... the real Jotaro would've exploded... My predictions are never wrong! Hol Horse: Woah!
Polnareff: I thought I saw someone trailing us like a hyena, so I slipped away from the group... Man, this brings back memories, huh, Hol Horse? Still tryin' to kill us, eh? Hol Horse: Ugh!! Urrgh! Polnareff: Thanks for earlier! It's a good thing Funky Party didn't really die, or I would've killed you by now! Hol Horse: Rgh... Grr... Polnareff: You here alone, Hol Horse? ...Nah... I doubt it! You've probably got a friend lurking nearby, right? Hol Horse: !! Polnareff: I'm not afraid of you by yourself, but your talents really shine in a pair. You said so yourself! So where's your pal, Hol Hoooorse? Hol Horse: (Idiot! Your book and your fingers are showing! Hide already! If he finds you, we're both finished, Boingo!) Boingo: (T-trust the book! If you didn't try to use your gun, you wouldn't have gotten punched! Trust destiny a-and victory is certain!)
Hol Horse: (Ack! That sounds like Abdul! He's coming over here!! 💧) Boingo: (Trust me... Stick your fingers in his nose! Now!) Hol Horse: (S-seriously!? ...Damnit! Fine, I'll do it! Here goes nothiiiiiiing!) Polnareff: Hey, you, under the box! Show yourself! Hol Horse: Now's my chance! Polnareff: !!
Jotaro: What's going on, Polnareff? Abdul: Can you hear us? Joseph: Did you find them, Polnareff!? Hol Horse: (Yikes! T-they're coming closer!)
Polnareff:Chario-...! Hol Horse: Ooooh no you don't! Polnareff: Wha!? ! ...S-shit!
Bradio: ? Abdul: Oh... There you are. What's up? Was someone following us or not? Polnareff: Ngh...... Hol Horse: (Damnitttt! I-I'm backed up against the wall here! Didn't it say if I stuck my fingers in his nose I'd have my chance to finish 'em all off!? 'Cuz this is the complete opposite! I'm screwed! If they find me here, I'm history! I-I think I'm gonna cry!!)
Abdul: I see... By the way, why are you standing in the corner? Hol Horse: (Say you had to pee! Say it! Now!) Polnareff: I-I, uh... Well, I kinda... I had to pee! Heh heh ha ha ha ha! Abdul: What? Joseph: In the middle of the street? Have you no shame? Bradio: Gross... Polnareff:YOU'RE saying that? After what we did to Cameo!? Jotaro:......... Joseph:Er... Bradio:I-I'm just saying, you really should've bought that charm in Edfu. Joseph:Yes! The "yucky" charm! Hol Horse:(H-how often do you piss in the street!?) Polnareff: (Damnit! He's embarrassing me! ...I know! I'll signal to them! Everyone, watch out!)
Joseph: What's wrong? Your face is all messed up. Did you hurt your tongue? Bradio: ...Is he practicing his funny faces? Hol Horse: Hm!? Abdul: No... Something is behind him... ...Oops! Polnareff: (Idiot! Don't say it aloud!) Hol Horse: (P-Polnareff! You son of a bitch! You tipped them off! I-I'll fuckin' kill ya! Die, you son of a bitch!) Polnareff: Ah...
Joseph: Woah! T-that's...! Polnareff: Woah! Hol Horse: Oof! Joseph:You were pissing with Hol Horse!?
Hol Horse: And it happened so suddenly... They didn't have time to ready their Stands! ...Everything went according to the prediction! I can't believe it... 5 people at once! Boingo: Yes... It's destiny! My predictions are always accurate! But you can't finish them off yet... Let's see what the book says next! Hol Horse: OK! Boingo (Thoth): Hooray! It's time to kill them all! But be careful! Don't close in on them yet! Wait and see what happens! The other 3 are out cold, but not Jotaro and Bradio! They're getting up!
Jotaro:Ugh... you okay, Funky Party? Bradio:Oof... I am feeling neither funky nor party...
Boingo: ............ Hol Horse: We're so close... Boingo! What's next!? How do we wrap this up!? Your comic's predictions are 100% accurate! I-I believe it now! I'll obey it to the letter! I'll stick my fingers up anybody's nose! I'll eat shit if that's what it wants! I just wanna win! Boingo: H-h-h-h-h-h... Here it is! T-the... The final prediction! Hol Horse: What is it...? Boingo (Thoth): Are you ready? It's time for the climax of our story! Hol Horse found some pipe workers! Now, he's gonna pay them to open up the pipe for him! If Hol Horse pumps all his bullets into the pipe... The bullets will come out the other side of the street!
Boingo: T-that happened because he changed his face to Jotaro's inadvertently... But this time, neither you or I can do that! Hol Horse: Y-you're right! There's no way in hell that could happen! Which means... Boingo: Y-yes! I can avenge my brother! Yes! There's no getting this prediction wrong! If you shoot your bullets into the pipe, Jotaro'll die just like the picture! Hol Horse: ...B-but hold on... It said EXACTLY at noon, right? Wait! It said noon!? That means we've only got 2 minutes! Boingo: D-don't worry! All you've gotta do is shoot into the pipe! You've got plenty of time! I-it's fate! It'll happen for sure! Hol Horse: R-right... 100% and all that... I believe, but... T-t-the clock is ticking! I'm getting kinda nervous!
We regain control of Bradio at this point, moving at half speed and with a 2-minute timer ticking down.
Joseph: Nngh... Jotaro: ...Where's Hol Horse? Bradio:I'm looking!
Polnareff and Abdul are completely unconscious and have nothing to say about the current situation.
You can only try to persuade Hol Horse here if you took the Submarine Route and fought alongside him at Charlie's Mansion. On the Manga Route (or if you ambush him) it's just a straight boss fight, still with the time limit.
And for those of you reaching for the torches and pitchforks over there being any kind of active in-game timer, it's not Game Over if it runs out. Things just continue apace with the manga.
Hol Horse: !! Bradio! Bradio: I don't know what you're planning to do, but that traffic accident won't be enough to keep me out of action! You can't take us on in a 5v1 fight! What's your plan!? Hol Horse: (Ack! W-what now!? The book only said that Jotaro would die! It didn't say anything about the others! I can't take them in a fair fight! W-what if the part after says "then, Hol Horse got caught and beaten to death" or something!? What do I do!?) Bradio: Hol Horse!! Hol Horse: Woah!! I-I got it, I got it! I give! Boingo: (!? ...Hol Horse!?) Bradio: ...All right, turn towards the wall. The others should be here any minute now. Hol Horse: You're the boss...
If we were fighting party-version Hol Horse who's currently level 50, we might lose that fight. If we didn't have access to the burlap sack o' nukes, anyway.
Hol Horse: ......... Bradio:At first I was mad that Sade was into you instead of me... but it's not like you got to score either... Hol Horse:...Yeah... She really deserved better. Bradio:You mean better like me? Hol Horse:Better than being eaten by zombies! Bradio:Oh. Right.
Hol Horse: No can do! If I tried to, I'd be killed! Bradio: You don't say... Hol Horse: Can't you just read my thoughts with Joseph's Hermit Purple anyway? Bradio:Oh yeah! Good point! Boingo:(.........) Bradio: ...It looks like that's the only way. Hol Horse: Well, either way, I'm done for. Bradio: ...So why don't you come with us? Hol Horse: Not a chance! I know my own limits. In fact, if you value your life, I'd go back to Japan now if I were you. I'm telling you... It doesn't matter how many of you there are. You can't beat Dio. ...Don't take it the wrong way. You really should go back. You aren't my target. Bradio: ...Then why don't you leave us alone? Hol Horse: I really can't leave you alone... If you keep taking pity on your enemies like this, you're gonna get yourself killed, y'know. Bradio: ......... Hol Horse: (...Man, what a softie! I'm gonna puke!)
Bradio: H-Hol Horse!? What did you just do!? Hol Horse: Drop dead, Jotaro!! Bradio: What!? Joseph: I-I think I made it somehow... Abdul: U-ugh... I lost consciousness, but I'm also mostly unharmed... But Polnareff is covered in rocks... Polnareff: Ugh... Help me out here! These stupid bricks... Joseph: Did Funky Party leave to get an ambulance...? Polnareff: And... where's Hol Horse? Jotaro: I don't know... He seems to have left the scene... Hol Horse: I win! He's right in front of the pipe! The bullets are gonna go through his head! I'll blow you to bits, Jotaroooo!!
Hol Horse: Whaaaat!? Jotaro: C'mon... Polnareff: -sniffle-... Sorry, Jotaro! It's all 'cuz Hol Horse stuck his fingers in my nose! I dunno what he was thinking! It's still itchy... yuck! Hol Horse: M-my bullet... missed!? Bradio: .........? Hol Horse: (Boooiiiinnnggoooo!! What just happened!? It didn't hit him at all! Look! Jotaro's alive! Your prediction was all wrong, damnit!)
Both: Huh? Hol Horse: Whaaat!? D-did it just say... 12:00!? Then... that means... my watch... It's fast! I shot my gun before noon! S-so if it's noon... What's going to happen!? The prediction said the bullets would hit Jotaro! Just like the picture!
Polnareff: Hey... Did you hear a scream coming from that corner just now? Bradio: Yeah. Hol Horse shot himself in the head with his own Stand and passed out. Polnareff: Wha? ...First he stuck his fingers in my nose, then he ran off suddenly, and now this? Maybe he's crazy! He WAS mumbling weird stuff to himself earlier... Bradio: No... Though he was an enemy, it was a splendid performance. Polnareff: ? What are you talking about? Joseph: Man... I dunno WHAT just happened, but this isn't looking good. Let's get out of here before the cops show up.
Both: Huh?
