63 - Luxory Goods

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Last time, we watched a hospital unleash its auto-turrets on a man practicing medicine without a license. This time, we knock down some mostly-unchanged segments.

We loaded a save back in Singapore so Yellow Temperance didn't imitate Bradio, but I was curious and checked the game files. Either way, the text here still says he posed as Kakyoin. Damn.

As long as we don't use Jotaro for everything, Abdul should stay in the lead no problem.

Edfu is one of the smaller hub maps, so speeding through everyone's FP events should be pretty quick.

We're going to fight the optional boss here with Iggy in the interest of bringing him past the 10 FP threshold ASAP.

Having Amber's dialogue move super fast like this is a nicely simple but effective trick.

The namesake here is Swedish metal band Frantic Amber.

Neat! Under normal, non-level-grinding circumstances, we'd be a few zones off from learning Contaminate, so this'd actually be a decent get.

If you've been paying attention to when our Surplus Fate Energy has increased, you might have made the connection by now.

What is it? (Click to expand) We get one point of Surplus Fate Energy any time somebody dies who *didn't* die in the "original story", which means it's almost entirely from original NPCs. Specific Chaos Mode events require a certain amount of Surplus Fate Energy... and I don't think we're actually going to get any of them. Oops!

Unfortunately all of Deep Purple's combination moves are titled "D-[something]". I suppose you take your shortcuts where you can when you've got 108 combos to come up with.

Bradio: You don't get to say that after making me follow that stupid script on the island.
Polnareff: ...script?
Joseph: Wait, that part actually came up!?
Bradio: Uh.
Joseph: I know you were attacked, but... you actually... with Polnareff...
Bradio: IT WAS YOUR IDEA!
Joseph: But I never imagined...
Polnareff: Wait a minu-
Bradio: fuck this i'm out

Khalid: Hint, hint...
Abdul: Er... I am much too busy to consider such things at the moment.

Alright, enough retreading, we have places to be. I pick up Joseph and do the Twinkie event.

And let's head up to the corner of the map, where we'll find an old friend...

...or we would, if the Day Count was 23. Remember how I said the extra day from the Submarine Route would screw us over? There's only one thing to do now.

Think back to the start of NG+.

These are the passwords from Charlie Rich's mansion. We don't need 'em anymore.

As for how he somehow reaches us in Egypt, don't worry about it.

We are no longer in danger of being oneshot by this guy, plus we have Jotaro here to crush his head in.

I consulted Midler's stats in the files. She's programmed to have really high Agility and Max SP, neither of which matter if you're not strong enough to do any damage. You can't even use her as an item caddy since she's AI controlled.

Sheer Heart Attack gives you the Pursued status, which halves your Agility and makes it so you can't use certain skills.

Specifically, it seals skills over a certain power threshold, to represent how you don't have a chance to properly Stance Up and throw out a big hit. Not that Stop Time gives a shit.

If you don't know this exists, the only other way to reverse time is an NPC named Deviant who spawns when the Day Count hits 48. You can pay him a huge sum of money to rewind 10 days... which wouldn't get us below the 23 threshold anyway.

Barely made it.

And he's right here!

Bradio: DŌMO, UTAH NINJA-san.
Utah: DŌMO, BRADIO NINJA-san.
Jotaro: ...what?
Midler: Ugh, cringe...

Apart from being under Day 23, you can only meet Utah here in Edfu if he didn't appear in Singapore, where he's killed and zombified by Vins. And the only way to prevent him from appearing there is to defeat him in Hong Kong then completely ignore him at the Harbor.

Utah: Now... show me your true power!
Bradio: YEAAART!!
Utah: YEAAART!!!
Jotaro: Ora!!
Both: -frown-

Now he's got a weird big green sword!

If you have access to it and you're starting a big boss fight, it almost always behooves you to use Push It To The Limit for the first turn or two. It buffs all stats and even self-heals a bit.

WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER LETTING YOU JOIN

This is hitting actively detrimental to the party territory.

Midler: You're so amazing, Jotaro <3
Bradio: (fffffFFFFFF)
Jotaro: Nice job, Funky Party.
Bradio: -through gritted teeth- T H A N K S.

I messed up here, because he also gives you the Rusty Sword... if you don't already have one. Which I do from a previous go-around.

Utah: What's this sword? It's a family heirloom. My grandfather said he received it long ago from a man named George. It was passed down to me with the instruction to give it to someone fit for it. Now, that day's finally come... The man who gave it to my grandpa should be able to rest easier now. It's a load off my back, too.
Utah: Tough to get through airport security with a giant green sword...

We will deal with the infamous "Sword of St. George" sidequest at a later date.

In the interest of moving things along, we'll also be knocking out both Mariah and Alessi today.

If you really want the whole thing again, feel free to consult Update 35.

Mariah: Nowhere to run, you say...? You really don't get it, do you... I wanted you to follow me here! I led you on! Look above you! Those are high-voltage power cables! Bwahaha! They're being pulled towards you! Looks like Joseph's first up to become charcoal!
Abdul: Damn! Mr. Joestar's magnetism is stronger than mine!
Joseph: Unnnnggghhh!!

Mariah: Joseph Joestar... I'll tell you one last thing... You're one very good looking man. Even though we never really got to know each other, you've demonstrated that you have an excellent sense of humor... You're not a young man by any stretch, but you have a lot of life experience, and all in all, I'd even say you're quite the charmer... Age gap aside, I think we would've made quite a good pair. Hee hee...
Joseph: I'm... glad to... hear that... So... help me out here, will ya!? Your strength... is on a completely different level from my Hermit Purple... I can't take any more of this... Stop the magnetism... please...!
Mariah: Mmmm... nope! You're not as attractive as Dio.
Joseph: So... There's no way I can convince you?
Mariah: You heard me! Sorry, but you're through.
Joseph: Even if I beg?

Joseph: I see. Your loss, young lady.
Mariah: ......What!?

We got a bit of different dialogue here thanks to Chaos Mode. I suppose it makes sense the Joestars can sway all the ladies to their side seeing as at least 49% of Dio's charisma comes from Jonathan Joestar's mega-shredded body.

Unfortunately, Mariah doesn't join the party like Midler; there's no way to run around with a full Hot Lady squad.

We got the special Joseph event last time because I kept Polnareff's FP low. This time we'll spring for the more standard Your Fanfic OC Saves the Day event.

As one might expect, Kid Polnareff is a completely separate party member on the backend. He actually has crazy good stats for being at Level 1 so that he doesn't simply perish immediately during the set piece fight.

Bradio: Wanna get breakfast?
Jotaro: Yeah. See you, kid that looks weirdly like a small Polnareff.
polnareff kid.png Polnareff: AHHHHHH

Now that we've gone through the whole story at least once, I can properly link this video rather than simply mentioning it:

I particularly like what they do with Mariah and Shadow Dio.

We didn't actually get access to this choice before, since the Joseph event took precedence. We can choose to search with Jotaro if we want things to progress how they did in the manga, where Jotaro also gets kiddified.

Jotaro: Yeah, we'd better. Be careful, though. The guy who attacked Polnareff must still be around somewhere.
Bradio: Yeah, I know. Well, I'm gonna head back to where we started looking.
Jotaro: Sounds good. That weird kid creeped me out anyway.

Why yes, I would like to skip the whole bath thing! Thanks for asking!

Bradio: ?... You remind me of that kid I met earlier... Look at you, you're covered in bruises! What happened?
Alessi: Heh heh heh! You're not getting away from me, Pol- !! Huh!?
Bradio: ......Pol? What's the big idea? Why are you chasing such a young kid around?
Alessi: O-oh, I'm not... Erm...
Alessi: ...Y-you little! Pol... I mean, Paul! You've gotta dry yourself off after you get out of the bath! Look what you've done to the floors!
polnareff kid.png Polnareff: Huh!?
Alessi: A-and you! Who are you!? A burglar!?
Bradio: What?
Alessi: I'm calling the police, you c-c-creep!
Bradio: H-hold on, wait... I'm not a...

Bradio: T-this is...
polnareff kid.png Polnareff: Aaahh! This is bad!
Bradio: This is a Stand power... So does that mean... you're Polnareff!?
polnareff kid.png Polnareff: Y-yeah... but I can't remember who you are! You're gonna start forgetting stuff soon, too!
Alessi: Bradio... Little Bradio... You can bet -I- remember! You've only gained Stand powers recently, am I correct? Which means you couldn't use it when you were a kid! You're just a regular little brat! Haha! Wahahahahaha! Get ready to die along with him!

polnareff kid.png Polnareff: What do we do!?
Bradio: Uhhhhhhhhhh attack!!

polnareff kid.png Polnareff: IT'S NOT WORKING!! My arms are too tiny!
Alessi: Useless, pointless, futile! No snot-nosed brat's gonna beat me!

polnareff kid.png Polnareff: NOOOOOO
Bradio: W-wait, I know! Polnareff!! The bag!
polnareff kid.png Polnareff: ...the bag?

polnareff kid.png Polnareff: THE BAG!
Alessi: W-w-w-whoa okay hang on a se- WAITWAITWAIT

Alessi: L-l-little kids like you shouldn't be holding stuff like tha-

Alessi: MY EYES!! AHHHH

Bradio: (Never thought I'd be thanking Stroheim for this stuff...)
polnareff kid.png Polnareff: What do we do about all the bullet holes?
Bradio: ...Let's get out of here!!

Polnareff: L-let's get going, Jotaro.
Young Lady: !! T-that earring! W-wait! Are you...!?
Polnareff: I'm sorry, but I don't think we've met. We're just travelers passing through... This is my first time in this country. We have to move on to the next town...
Young Lady: ...I guess it really was just a dream...
Polnareff: .........
Jotaro: ............
Polnareff: Don't say a word, Jotaro! That goes for you too, Funky Party!

Abdul: We were attacked by a beautiful woman in a miniskirt. She was quite powerful and dangerous...
Bradio: What.
Joseph: She didn't seem that bad, though... When we defeat Dio, she could turn over a new leaf.
Abdul: You are just saying that because she flirted with you.
Bradio: I...
Joseph: You're one to talk after that bunny girl incident in Kom Ombo!
Bradio: aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
Polnareff: W-what's gotten into you, Funky Party!?
Bradio: This isn't fair! Jotaro's got a bikini babe hanging off his arm, Polnareff's bathing with a beautiful young lady, Mr. Joestar's getting chased by skirts rather than the other way around, Kakyoin's getting doted on by sexy nurses, and even Abdul's got -bunny girls- coming onto him!? IT'S NOT FAIR, I TELL YOU!
Abdul: W-well...
Bradio: I got shot in the head and had to spend two weeks with A NAZI!
All: ............
Joseph: ...Well, who's up for breakfast? I want to try that "fool madames" stuff.
Jotaro: ...Give me a @#S% break...

Bradio: (sob)

See you again!

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