62 - Oingo M.D.
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Last time, we went through the Aswan ruins again, but with Speedwagon and Dire this time. This time, we don't deal with a sentient sword again! It's another alternate path!
It's good we had the fruit baskets and the Game Boy, because you need at least 10 FP with Kakyoin to get this option.
The Game Boy had four launch titles in Japan: Alleyway, Baseball, Yakuman, and Super Mario Land. Bradio feels to me like a guy who would probably have picked Baseball for Kakyoin.
There's a possible Chaos Mode event early in the game that establishes you are Super Strong, which affects nothing other than allowing you to move at normal speed during this sequence. Alas, we didn't get it.
The reduced movement speed in action:
It's nothing egregious. I think this is around the right balance for "tedious, but for deliberate effect".
This happens effectively randomly throughout the hospital, though all it does is slow you down.
The 7th Stand User's commitment to having gender-accurate bathrooms continues. Though if this is the Fancy Hospital Suite floor, you'd think each room would have its own bathroom. The last time I was hospitalized (which is hopefully the last time), even the shared room I was in had its own washroom.
I think the thing that gets me is not just that there are bathrooms, but that there are bathrooms on every floor. The school in Japan and the radio tower in Sundarbans had them too.
This restores a mere 2%+4 HP and 6%+3 SP, but it's one of the scant few items that can revive a character mid-battle.
What kind of hospital is this, where I can't loot every single room?
Visible in the hospital room are Oingo and Boingo, a pair of brothers with the Stands Khnum and Thoth. They try to kill the Stardust Crusaders while on the way to Aswan, but just sort of comedically foil their own plans while the heroes don't even notice. That's why they aren't a formal segment of this game, though those events were referenced by Polnareff in the previous update.
The "my legs staggered" bit just halts your movement for a moment. This one actually does damage to Kakyoin, and it behooves you to make sure he stays topped up.
Most of the NPCs in the hospital are just sleeping or going, "Wahhh, it hurts!" We're going to talk to them all anyway.
I've been feeling this one pretty keenly. As of writing, I'm only just recovering from multiple foot injuries in a row. I haven't been able to walk properly in two months. Shit's demoralizing.
This made me look up if Egyptian cops carry firearms; they do. Egypt also has a bespoke arm of government law enforcement dedicated to policing Tourism and Antiquities.
Does the Egyptian goddess Unut count as a bunny girl?
This here is a cameo from Part 6's Ermes Costello. Most of that arc takes place in prison, and Ermes has gotten breast surgery to add hidden compartments in her chest to smuggle in contraband.
Actually let's not talk about healthcare costs...
If you somehow think you're too good for NPC dialogue on this level, you should probably chill out.
This hospital is used for this single set-piece and nothing else. The level of detail here really lends credence to Clayman's assertion that she made this game due to autistic hyperfixation.
Almost done with our half-movement-speed hospital rounds.
I've heard that if you have trouble getting your meds at a regular pharmacy, it might be worth going to a hospital pharmacy instead. They're almost never "out of stock" of most standard drugs.
Understated but solid gag to have this doctor say "yes, well," "You see," "well, yes," and "I see" in a row like that.
TRAP COUNT: 1
TRAP COUNT: 2
Each trap does 30 damage to both HP and SP.
TRAP COUNT: 3
TRAP COUNT: 4
TRAP COUNT: 5
goddammit
Every single NPC in the hospital starts losing it and running around randomly after this explosion.
TRAP COUNT: 6
TRAP COUNT: 7
TRAP COUNT: 8
TRAP COUNT: 9
Good detail to have Boingo hiding in the bathroom here, even if we can't do anything about it.
TRAP COUNT: 10
Other than the traps that blow you up, sometimes Kakyoin gets attacked and loses 10 HP. Obviously it's Game Over if he hits 0. This is way less forgiving than when Polnareff was getting 59 - Oil-lamping is the New Gaslighting, as you're about to see.
TRAP COUNT: 11
TRAP COUNT: 12
TRAP COUNT: 13
Despite everything, it's worth plundering the hospital after it gets bombed. All the previously locked chests open up and have either stat boosters or high-level curatives.
TRAP COUNT: 14
Aaaand this hallway's blocked.
Keep this oddly specific information in mind!
Alright, we gotta take the long way back around to the stairs.
TRAP COUNT: 17
TRAP COUNT: 18
Even though the trap tiles move randomly, the tight hallways mean you'll run into them pretty often.
TRAP COUNT: 19
TRAP COUNT: 24
TRAP COUNT: 25
TRAP COUNT: 26
We've gotta take the long way around here, too.
TRAP COUNT: 27
TRAP COUNT: 30
TRAP COUNT: 31
TRAP COUNT: 32
TRAP COUNT: 33
FINAL TRAP COUNT: 34
FINALLY. We can always stop and heal ourselves, but Kakyoin's only got 320 Max HP. If he were a more normal level, like 24 or 25, he'd have more like 220 Max HP. We'd be cutting it way closer.
The doctors here are named after the members of the band Led Zeppelin, whose names were also used for some one-off mooks in Part 1 of JoJo.
I briefly had the thought "why couldn't he just see them with Hierophant Green," but recall that any bodily harm is reflected back on the Stand and vice-versa.
Go ahead and scroll up to check; it actually is random each time.
However, let's roll back the tape a bit. What if you don't want to run headlong into 34 traps?
You've heard of a Stand-using dog, now it's time for a Stand-using hospital!
It's still Game Over if Kakyoin dies. Every turn against the Door, there's 20% chance each that he either takes 30 damage, takes 50 damage, or you step on a trap and take damage (with the last 40% being nothing happens). He's liable to die much faster like this than with the hits on the field.
The Door isn't particularly strong, but it throws a bunch of status effect moves at you. If you're losing turns, that's more opportunities for Kakyoin to take damage.
Thankfully Deep Purple is a Short-range Stand, and the Door takes extra damage from up-close moves.
See you again!
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