60 - Master of Seduction

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Last time, we rejoined the rest of the squad. This time, it's back under the sea.

As usual for this second go-around, I'll fast-forward through some spots where nothing meaningful has changed from Cascada's run. I trust you to either have paid enough attention last time or to check the tapes yourself as needed.

Jotaro: What do you know about it?
Abdul: I've heard stories... The user's name is Midler. She can control her Stand from afar, so she must be above water... The High Priestess can turn into anything made of glass or metal. Not to mention plastic, vinyl, rubber... There's no clear way to tell where she is until the moment she strikes...
Bradio: If it was the only one left, why didn't you tell us what it could do before we got on the sub?
Abdul: You cannot expect me to remember EVERY detail...

The first functional submarine is considered to have been built in the 1620s by a Dutchman named Cornelis Jacobszoon Drebbel. It moved via oar and was only ever used for demonstration purposes in the Thames. They apparently maintained breathable air inside by cooking the oxygen out of saltpetre.

The first confirmed use of submarines for military purposes was during the American Civil War. The Confederate sub CSS Hunley sank the USS Housatonic with a spar torpedo (read: bomb on a long stick), killing five Union sailors. However, the Hunley was damaged by its own blast and sank itself, killing all eight Confederates aboard.

Again, the "face her here" option throws us into a turn-limited battle that's generally quite easy due to having a full four-person squad. Winning skips the rest of the event... but I'm trying for a particular Chaos Mode gag. Adjacent room it is!

Joseph: "Scuba" means "Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus"!
Polnareff: Okay, but HOW do you scuba dive!?
Bradio: It looks so easy in the movies...

Since I linked the anime's version of this scene last time, here's the manga page in question, which has a handy explanation of the joke (remember, read right-to-left):

Polnareff: YEAAAH!
Abdul: .........
Bradio: YEAAAH!!
Kakyoin: .........
Polnareff: YEAAAH!!!
Jotaro: .........
Bradio: YEAAAH!!!!

Frankly I have no idea why they had to go through Polnareff's nostrils first, especially since they still yank High Priestess out of his mouth. Seems more efficient to go for the bigger hole.

Polnareff: It's been so tiny up until now!! Where is his strength coming from!?
Midler: Geehahahahahahaha!! God, you guys are slow! How can you not realize that the seafloor is full of minerals!?
Kakyoin: For the Stand to be this size, the user has to be somewhere extremely close!
Midler: You got that right! Just 20 feet above you, in fact! Unfortunately, I'll crunch you up in my High Priestess' mouth before you get a chance to even see what I look like!
Polnareff: Sounds like just what you wanted, Bradio!
Bradio: NOT LIKE THIS

Midler: Jotaro!
Jotaro: !
Midler: That's right, you heard me! You know, you're exactly my type of man... Digesting you with my High Priestess would break my heart!
Polnareff: ! Jotaro! Over here... (whisper, whisper)
Jotaro: Give me a break... Do I really have to say it?
Polnareff: Yes! C'mon, go!

Bradio: (...He's lobster red. 💧)
Polnareff: I... I bet you're a knockout beauty! I can tell from your voice!
Bradio: (...Maybe he should pile it on a bit more... 💧)
Abdul: I agree. Very high-class and regal...
Bradio: (...With THAT foul mouth? 💧)
Joseph: Baby, if I were 30 years younger...
Bradio: (...I'm guessing his personality's more or less the same.)
Kakyoin: Doesn't her sweet voice remind you of Audrey Hepburn's?

We don't get a snide aside for Kakyoin because we're still sub-12 FP with him on this go, having lost out on the big boost from taking his side during the Death 13 business.

Midler: .........
Jotaro: .........

Chaos Mode strikes again!

Abdul: The High Priestess's "user", Midler.
Midler: Your passionate call for love... I'm already giddy <3
Polnareff: Why, ain't she a pretty face.
Midler: Hey! What do you mean by just "pretty", huh? Huh!?
Polnareff: Oh no...
Kakyoin: What do we do, Mr. Joestar?
Joseph: Mmm. Well, it's good we made it to Egypt in one piece. However...
Jotaro: ...Hey, Midler. Don't you know where Dio is?

Bradio: (This is so unfair...)
Cascada: (You wouldn't have stood a chance anyway.)
Bradio: (DON'T RUB IT IN)

I've been kicking myself for reaching it in 19 days the first time we got here ever since. The 20-for-20 is a way more elegant match.

Also, we did Submarine Route at the maximum possible speed and it's still slower than the Manga Route by one day. This will bite me in the ass a few updates from now.

There's not much to do in the village, so might as well knock it out immediately. No big, long hiatus this go around.

Steel: We've finally reached Egypt. It was a long time coming... But it's too early to relax your guard. Dio has minions even in a village like this. They might be located more easily if you're with Joseph. You should try asking the villagers if they've seen anyone suspicious.

Right around here I decide to make Abdul our Best Bud this run, since if I recall correctly he was the runner-up in that original Cohost poll.

Giving me war flashbacks to Cascada's Big Offscreen Grind...

As before, the main FP stuff in this area is just taking everyone to see the fortune teller in turn.

Since Abdul's in the FP lead, we get a glimpse of his fate in the original manga. Can he be saved?

Otherwise, everyone's fortunes are still the same as last time. Eagle-eyed readers will however spot some differences in the bar, such as...

Bradio: Wanna hang out?
Midler: Never.
Bradio: I hear there's a for-
Midler: What?
Bradio: A fortune tel-
Midler: WHAT?
Bradio: Do you wanna go to the fortune tel-
Midler: NEVER.
Bradio: ...Mayb-
Midler: NEVER!!

With Joseph in tow, we can go take out that one mid-boss again.

faith.png ???: ...You've got a lot of time on your hands, don't you?
Joseph: And you are!?
faith.png Faith: The name's Faith. I'm under orders from Dio to kill you.
Joseph: Another one of Dio's assassins!? And sleeping in the room right next to ours, no less...!
faith.png Faith: You really like to shout, don't you? Can you use your indoor voice, please? But still... Your Stand can even search inside people's brains? That's not good... I'd better make quick work of you. Kill 'em dead, Flies!

We are so overpowered that I have to actively sandbag a couple turns for Jotaro to show.

Jotaro: ...What's all the noise for?
Joseph: Jotaro! You came at the perfect time!
Jotaro: Flies, huh...? So that's what's been buzzing around keeping me awake.
faith.png Faith: You really like to stick your nose where it doesn't belong, don't you? Whatever. I'll burn you to ash along with them.
Cascada: (HIT HIM WITH A ROCK JOTARO)
Bradio: Wha-

Jotaro: ...I had a sudden urge to throw rocks... bizarre...
Bradio: .........

One more order of business.

Midler now hangs out in every hub, and she'll only join your active party if you talk to her while hanging with Jotaro.

Midler is incredibly weak. Her stats are garbage and she's AI-controlled.

It's neat she does actually have some unique skills, I guess? If you don't spend the extra turns keeping her HP topped off, then I suppose any extra damage helps. But we're also super overpowered and don't need her.

Alas, there's very little (if any) unique dialogue for Midler being in your party. Chaos Mode only goes so far.

One last thing: Joey only makes his final stand once you've beaten him in Varanasi. Since we took the Submarine Route, we simply didn't go to Varanasi, and thus Joey isn't here either. Just as well, honestly.

Now that we're finally in Egypt again, the end of Bradio's Bizarre Adventure is starting to come into focus. See you again!

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