Last time, we barely averted everyone dying from falling rocks. This time, we get back on track with the main plot.
The dialogue and pun here actually is a bit different from Update 26. Neat!
This scheme was already comically brazen with Abdul, but it was at least plausible then.
Kakyoin: That silhouette... Could it be!? Joseph: Wait! I'll do the talking. You guys wait here.
Polnareff: Ah... Kakyoin: Bradio!! Jotaro: Funky Party... Polnareff: Is that really...!?
Kakyoin:I knew it... Bradio wears glasses... Polnareff:You're right... it's completely impossible for this to be him... Joseph: But... explaining the circumstances of Funky Party's death... won't be easy. Polnareff: ......... Joseph: You had no part in his death, Polnareff. Polnareff: ...No... I'm partially responsible. I've already accepted that fact. Kakyoin: Is he a Stand user as well? Joseph: Yes... He's been targeted by Dio's assassins as well. Which is why he saw right through my story... Kakyoin: Is he planning on coming with us? Joseph: Yes, he said as much, but I don't like the idea of endangering yet another innocent life...
In the original Space Battleship Yamato, one of the named fighter pilots dies partway through the story. To justify continued use of stock footage, they later introduce his identical twin. In Star Blazers, he simply doesn't die in the first place.
Bradio: Yes... It wasn't easy! Joseph: Ahh, sorry about that. Bradio:It was WAY more expensive than I thought... Joseph:Well... it can't be helped, I suppose. Bradio:That's, uh... that's it? Joseph:?? What do you mean? Cascada:(Damn rich people...) Joseph: We've been attacked by new Stand users each day, so it's been tough on our end as well. But by traveling at the bottom of the ocean, we should be able to avoid detective until Egypt. We'll depart later, under the cover of night. Bradio: I see... And the other four? Joseph: Jotaro and Kakyoin are keeping an eye out for potential attackers, and Abdul's studying the submarine manual. We've got everything covered. Polnareff took a walk around... I think it's because I reminded him of your "death". He should be back before nightfall. Bradio: Is that so...? I can't wait to see his face when he finds out the news. Joseph: Why don't you go meet him? Of course, there could still be an enemy on the island, so keep it quiet. Bradio: You got it.
Bradio: ? ???: Do you not get it yet! I'm a Stand! I'm the Stand of the Judgement arcanum! I can grant people's wishes using the earth! You wished for your sister and your dead friend Bradio to come back! They're your problem now! Polnareff: Gyaaaaaaaaaaaa!! ???: Now, prepare to be devoured! HAIL 2U!! Bradio: !! T-that sounds like Polnareff!! He must've been attacked by an enemy! I have to find him... There's no time to call everyone else!
The idea here is that you are on an enormous prairie map, and you have to find Polnareff before his HP hits zero.
Bradio:Where do I go? I can barely see 10 feet in front of me like this... Steel: It seems Polnareff has encountered an enemy... If you don't find him soon, it'll be too late! Polnareff's remaining HP is 516. He has to be somewehre in this prairie! Bradio:...uh... Cascada:(Yeah, he's always like this.)
The party is definitely overleveled so Polnareff's HP is significantly higher than standard, but this isn't particularly tense no matter how you slice it.
If you're playing on Easy mode, new tiles appear throughout the game with literal "THIS WAY =>" arrows. We must instead make do with the obvious arrows built into the map itself.
Like many elements in the game, the triggers for Polnareff taking damage are invisible event tiles scattered about the map and set to move randomly. A few of them do 30 damage instead of 10.
Easy.
Cameo: What!? T-this is impossible!! Polnareff: !! There really is another Funky Party! My eyes didn't deceive me! There's another Funky Party besides the clone!
I wish the game didn't stick to the script so much here. It's a huge missed opportunity, as recognized by this other legacy comment from Cohost that I saved.
If I had a working install of RPG Maker 2000, it probably wouldn't be too difficult to go in and edit the event to just call your catchphrase instead of displaying "YES I AM!". Maybe another time.
Bradio: You haven't changed a bit, Polnareff... You're still always going off on your own and waltzing right into the enemy's traps! You were making a big ruckus, so I came down to complain, and what do I see but you getting attacked by an enemy Stand? Might as well help you out while I'm here...
Charitably, I guess you could chalk it up to Joseph's prank script including an addendum for if an enemy Stand attacks. I wouldn't put it past the old coot.
"Pervert" tag strikes again!
Cameo: Nnnnngghhh... Bradio: You said you were the Stand of the Judgement card, right? I've decided to finish you off... and send you to hell! HELL 2 U! Polnareff: My... My 3rd wish... It really did come true...!! Bradio: Bradio still lives! Shouldn't you be running off to let your buddies know the bad news? Eh, Cameo? Polnareff: (That's right! I have to tell everyone!) Cameo: ...That is some terrible news... But by the time I tell them, it'll already be irrelevant... Instead, I'll tell them about how Cameo beat the snot out of that asshole Polnareff and the still-living Bradio! Oh, what splendid news!
Cameo: HAIL 2U! Polnareff: B-bastard! Even if it's just a fake, that's still my sister! How dare he! Bradio: H-he's quite a powerful opponent... Polnareff: Be careful! He's not just strong, but fast, too! Cameo: Huhuhuhuhuhu... Bradio... Why don't you tell me your wishes? I'll grant them for you! You might as well, seeing as you're about to die anyway! Bradio: ...... Cameo: C'mon! Try it! You have 3 wishes! Polnareff: H-he's just toying with us...
Bradio:Now, I'm not NECESSARILY saying I'm into that, but on like, a theoretical level... maybe...? Polnareff:It'll be a fake anyway! You'll never finish! Bradio: Tch... In that case...
Cameo: You make a joke of this...!! Bradio: So you won't do it, Cameo!? You shouldn't make promises you can't keep! Cameo: Bradio! Do you want to have another fruitless test of strength!?
Hey, while we're here, let's try out that special move Polnareff got from beating Anubis!
I am convinced that something is bugged in this game causing DEF-piercing attacks to not work properly. I was getting the same problem with Jotaro's Star Breaker earlier.
The rest of this sequence is going to be pretty much exactly the same as before.
Bradio: My first wish is for you to scream in pain! Sounds like that one's already come true... Cameo: I-impossible! He's too strong! Much stronger than I'd heard! Bradio: I fought off a lot of Stands and braved a lot of battlefields to get here! My life was on the line every waking second! Polnareff:What in the world were you up to...? Bradio:I had to spend all my time with an old-timey London thug and a nazi! A GODDAMN NAZI!! IT SUCKED!!! Polnareff:Huh!? Bradio:I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SCORE WITH THE HOT SECRETARY IN THE DEATH MANSION'S EVIL ZOMBIE BASEMENT Polnareff:...Uh... Unforgivable......? Bradio: It was tiring, but I built up quite a bit of muscle between now and then... A Stand like you is a piece of cake! Now for my second wish...!
Bradio: I wish for you to yelp in fear! Now, for my third wish...! I wish to hear your cries of regret!! Cameo: Yeeeeeeeeep!!
Bradio: With that power and speed, the user must be near. That's the rule! He must be very, very close... But where...? Nothing sticks out to me in particular just from taking a look around... Let's find out where the Stand regenerates.
Well. Okay.
Look, at least in the manga route, Cameo's true location isn't right next to you.
Polnareff: (So he's hiding under the ground!! Damn you... How should I make you pay for using my sister!? HELL 2 U!) Polnareff: Let's put stuff in the pipe! Mud... Dirt... A spider... An ant... A burnt-out match... Pipe: Pfffttt!! -koff, koff- -gurgle-! -hack-! Polnareff: You think I'm done with you!? Bradio: Hey, Polnareff. Don't we have other matters to attend to? Since it's been a while, let's do "that" together as proof of our friendship!
Certain player Stands actually drop more stuff down the pipe. Too bad Deep Purple isn't one of them.
Polnareff:So, uh, nazi...? Bradio:He kept trying to blow up everything and wouldn't shut up about German science. It was awful. Polnareff:London thug?? Bradio:His hat had knives in it. It was crazy.
CAMEO (STAND: "JUDGEMENT") -CAN NO LONGER FIGHT- (hospitalized from THC overdose)
Joseph: Polnareff! We were worried about you! Kakyoin: Where'd you get those wounds? Jotaro: Did you get attacked by an enemy? Polnareff: Forget about my injuries for a second! You're not gonna believe this, guys! Get ready... Guess who it is!? You're gonna be so thrilled! Da-dada-da-daaaaaaaaa...
Jotaro: Yo, Bradio. Kakyoin: How've you been? Abdul: Is your back feeling any better? Bradio: It's getting there. There's just a little scarring. Joseph: How was your trip back from India?
Okay, that's complete bullshit, but I suppose if we are narrowing the scope of the statement to specifically "Dio's minions", it's technically true.
Also, for anyone wondering if this means Abdul had to go through the whole West Bengal and Charlie Rich's Mansion stuff, I'd say... probably not! Vins was directly involved in orchestrating both of those scenarios because she wants to kill only the 7th Stand User. Abdul buying the submarine would be in accordance with the original timeline, so she would have no reason to interfere.
Jotaro: It's been a pretty long time. I'm glad you made it back safe. Bradio: Well, it seems like you had a rough enough time yourselves! Polnareff: Hey! Wait! Hold the phone! You guys! H-how can you be so blase about this!? You just reunited with someone who you thought was dead! What's with all the small talk!? Joseph: Oh... Sorry, Polnareff! We already knew about Bradio. We lied! Polnareff: W-w-wh-whaaaaaat!? Bradio: Actually, it was Mr. Joestar and Jotaro who helped me get treatment back in India.
I honestly still think this is one of the more fucked-up things the party does to Polnareff.
Polnareff: Even you, Kakyoin!? Kakyoin: I was actually the one who first suggested to keep it a secret... Since you have a tendency to run your mouth. Polnareff:And Abdul!? I thought you were more serious than that! Abdul:Hmhm... I helped Mr. Joestar write the script.
Polnareff: S... say whaaaaaat!? You went to those lengths to mess with me!? Have you no shame!? -sniffle- Bradio: Sorry, Polnareff! I had to come to the island in disguise for a reason. Joseph: We needed to buy something without the enemy knowing. Bradio: Something that would attract a lot of attention. I posed as a rich entrepreneur and bought it. (Although it ended up being free anyhow...) Polnareff: What do you mean? Joseph: All abooooooard!!
Jotaro: So this is how we're crossing the Red Sea? Kakyoin: We should be able to evade the enemy's sight this way... Polnareff: Man, this is turning out to be an expensive trip! Funky Party, do you know how to operate this thing!? Bradio: No, I had Stroheim drop it off. Joseph: Don't forget about me! Bradio: I'd rather Abdul take the wheel. Jotaro: You've lost your privileges after what happened last time, Gramps.
This is a pretty solid unlimited-use attack item! It's especially nice to have in the final battle against Vins if you're saddled with a weaker Support Stand.
And the two routes are now fully synced back up. See you again!
