Last time, we crushed a sexy lady under a car. This time, we're going to see what everyone else is up to.
(If you're familiar with JoJo, you know what's coming up, but if you aren't then be prepared for this update to feature some small children in peril. The villain of the week is a lot.)
Jotaro: Think they've encountered an enemy? Cascada:They better not get into a fight while I'm not there. Polnareff: We'd better go check up on them. Jotaro: Mm, might as well. Polnareff: C'mon, Iggy! Cascada:What are the chances Mr. Joestar got into another weird chase sequence where he has to run around town by himself? Jotaro:Fifty-fifty, at least...
This fuckin' guy.
I largely prefer "bloodlust" as a translation, but "killing intent" has kinda looped back around to being so silly that I enjoy the camp factor.
Alessi: What are you talking about? My parents gave me these eyes! Now you're saying they've got killing intent? Oh, found my coin! Polnareff: Huh... Guess I'll just have to see for myself... whether you're a Stand user!
A rare bit of competency! Nice to see!
Polnareff chases Alessi off-screen.
Polnareff: Hey, Jotaro! Cascada!! It's an enemy! There's an enemy here! Jotaro: ! Polnareff...!? Cascada: Polnareff? Where are you?
Polnareff: Shut up! Don't tell me what to do! I'm looking for someone, so screw off! Tall Man: ......What'd you just say, you little brat?
Polnareff: What!? Just what is going on here!? Polnareff:I wouldn't be caught dead in baggy clothes!
Polnareff: Is that me!? I-I-I'm a kid! I turned into a kid! This is NOT happening!
Jotaro: ? Polnareff: Jo- Jo-... H-huh? Jo... N-no, wait.... Johnny... Jason... Jah... juh... W-what was his name...? I can't remember... Cascada:Jareth? Jotaro:??? Cascada:Never mind. Polnareff: I-I know this guy, but what was his name...!? I think this guy can help me... S-so why? Why can't I remember!? Jotaro: Hey, kid... Have you seen a Frenchman around here? Cascada: He's about average height, with hair kinda like yours... Jotaro:It's possible he shit his pants and was running to the bathroom. Cascada:He's also probably the only white guy in a two mile radius. Jotaro:What about Gramps? Cascada:Oh, right. Well, fifty-fifty ain't bad odds.
Alessi: Heh heh heh... You've got the body of a kid, so it's only natural you'd have the brain of one, too! Your memories are regressing to childhood!
Alessi's Stand is one of those that begs the question of what happened if he used it on, say, Dio, a hundred year old vampire. Alas, we're stuck with boring ol' Polnareff. The 1999 Capcom fighting game, Heritage for the Future, had unique "de-aged" sprite sets and interactions for every single member of the cast.
Alessi: Now, I can't say this too loud... But I really love beating up on the weak... Heh heh. Even I think it's messed up. But y'know, a lot of the time, people who think they're weirdoes are actually pretty normal... So maybe I'm not such a creep after all! Alessi: Anyhow, I can't possibly lose to a kid, so I'll just take my time... Polnareff: Hey! You, the guy whose name I forgot! Help-
Alessi punts kid-Polnareff away!
I don't know if I've ever seen a child with vibes bad enough that I'd point a gun at them. Fists, maybe. But I'm also not Kyle McLachlan.
Alessi: Guess you had your Stand even as a kid... ...But! Polnareff: Ah! Aaaahhhhhhhhh! E-even Chariot... Even Chariot is a kid!
Lil' Chariot is a fun bit. Even in the aforementioned fighting game, we don't really get any other kid-ified Stands, alas.
Polnareff: OH! NOOOO! The sword snapped in half! Alessi: Gweh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
I hope yall appreciate whenever I decide to transcribe shit like this and make sure to do it letter for letter with the text box. Just saying.
Young Lady: Hey, wait! You're injured... What happened to you? Polnareff: Um... um... Well... um... Young Lady: C'mon now, spit it out! Your injuries need treating, young man! Polnareff:That man tried to shoot me with a gun but my invisible knight friend blocked all the bullets but it messed up his sword and then the guy tried to kill me with an axe but but but I guess he ran away......... Young Lady: Come with me and I'll take a look. C'mon! Polnareff: (Should I go? I can't become big again if I don't beat that guy... He won't attack when I'm with an adult, so I've gotta think of a way to fight back while I can...)
We fade out and get a chance to save the game.
Weird Shit incoming; you can probably tell where we're going from the context. This might be the weirdest it gets in Part 3? I guess Kakyoin did force that baby to eat his own shit that one time...
I didn't think it was weird at all when I was a kid watching Dragon Ball Z and Gohan was just butt-naked while bathing in an oil drum or whatever (and weirdly enough, my parents didn't either). But now I'm an adult and find that actively talking about naked child Polnareff's dick while it's hanging right on camera is just, ehhhhhh...
JoJo had a horny baby back in 1991. That stupid shitty isekai show isn't so groundbreaking now, is it?
Polnareff: Du-huh-huh-huhhh... <3 Young Lady: What's so funny? Come, let me wash your hair. Polnareff: Huh!? Wahhh! No, no, no, no, no! I hate shampoo! It hurts my eyes!
This feels like such a culturally Japanese trope to me, particularly whenever those circular shampoo hats show up. When I first watched FLCL I was confused as to what the hell it was supposed to be.
We've already gotten a fair bit of it, but consider this your last warning for children in peril.
Polnareff: Augh! Ah... ah... ah... Auuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh!! That... that lady is gone... Where is she? She was right here! I didn't hear her scream or anything, either! Polnareff: Where is she!? Alessi: Polnareff, did you say the shampoo stings? If it hurts that much... Then let's get it all out! In we go! Polnareff: Blgh! -glurble, glurble, glurble-
Polnareff: (I've got little kid arms now... I-I can't reach! If they were just a little longer, I could poke him in the eyes and escape!) Alessi: Heh heh heh heh heh!
How fucking huge is this tub if it takes ten minutes to drain! What!!
Alessi: You're finished, bud! Die! Die! Die! Die! Polnareff: Ugh............... Alessi: Heh heh heh... Sucks to have such stumpy little arms and legs, huh, Polnareff? Polnareff: (.........Phewww... <3) Alessi: ...!! ...W-what is THIS?
Alessi:I heard rumors about what you did to the Death 13 baby, but I thought they were all lies! Polnareff:????
Alessi: You disgusting little shitkicker! You've really done it now! Polnareff: -pant, pant, pant- Hey, you asked for it! Alessi: Unbelievable! Don't you have any basic sense of human decency!?
Jotaro would never, obviously, but he ain't the main character here. Would Cascada actively shit herself if it meant getting a leg up in battle? Discuss.
Polnareff: N-no... He didn't... He couldn't! Alessi: The longer you touch my Seth, the younger you become... Polnareff... You were sharp enough to notice what was going on and jumped out of the way, which is why you're only about 7 or 8... Alessi: This woman stood in my shadow for more than 10 seconds!! Heh heh heh heh! She's alive now, but outside her mother's womb, she won't be for long! That'll teach her to stick her nose in other people's business. What an idiot.
Jack Frost may be a demon but he would never do something this fucked up.
Polnareff: Damn it! Augh! Auuugh... This... this guy... I've gotta beat him fast... If I don't... She's going to d-die! This sweet, kind woman who picked me up off the street and treated my injuries... I can't let that happen!!
Polnareff picks up the bundle of clothes and flees, pursued by a creep.
Meanwhile...
Joseph:We should just get breakfast without him...
Alessi: Woah, woah, woah there! What do you think you're doing, trying to run with a dying fetus in your arms!? You're gonna be like that soon, Polnareff!! Joseph: ! I knew it! It must be another Stand user!
Joseph: Hm? Who's this kid? Haven't I seen you somewhere...? Woah, you're covered in bruises! What happened to you, little guy? Polnareff: Uh... Uh... ...!
Alessi: O-oh, I'm not... Erm... Alessi: ...Y-you little! Pol... I mean, Paul! You've gotta dry yourself off after you get out of the bath! Look what you've done to the floors! Polnareff: Huh!? Alessi: A-and you!? Who are you!? A thief!? Joseph: H-hold on, wait... I'm not a... Alessi: I'm calling the police, you c-c-creep!
Alessi: Joseph Joestar... You only gained Stand powers recently, correct? Which means you couldn't use it when you were a kid! You're just a regular little brat! Haha! Wahahahahaha!
Well shit. How are we gonna get out of this one, folks?
Joseph: I got younger! Is this your Stand ability!? Alessi: What!? Why aren't you a kid yet!? ...I get it! You're such an old fart that you'd have to stand on it forever to get that young! Joseph: Hm...? Does that mean you're Polnareff!?
Joseph:I didn't... uhhh... during the war...? Polnareff:...?? Joseph:......I didn't save Uncle Speedwagon from a plane hijacking while reading comic books to take lip from you, kid! Polnareff: Aaaaaugh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Joseph: Hmph... But I think I get what's going on!
Finally.
This event is why I've been managing FP all game long. If we were at 10 FP with Polnareff, then Cascada would show up to save him; the player's event takes priority. Getting Young Joseph requires below 10 FP with Polnareff and above 10 FP with Joseph. Anything else just follows the manga where Jotaro's the one who shows up.
As we've seen, Old Joseph is mostly relegated to comic relief during Part 3 so Jotaro can stand out as the main character. But if you've gone through Part 2, you know he's Seen Some Shit that makes some of these Stand battles look small-time, so it can feel like Joseph gets done a little dirty.
Getting Alessi-d back to Part 2 Joseph is one of those slam dunk setups that the manga doesn't take advantage of at all. Would it be blatant fanservice? Absolutely. But if you've read Steel Ball Run, you know Araki isn't too good for some stupid pandering.
Polnareff is stuck in Baby Mode and can only do scratch damage with basic attacks. Meanwhile, Young Joseph gets a full slate of new Ripple attacks we've never seen before.
Only Stands can affect other Stands, but that's not going to stop us.
Aiming for the user is standard practice at this point and Young Joseph is easily strong enough to solo the fight.
Get fucked.
Joseph:What should we do with him? Polnareff:...Let's wait until Chariot's sword comes back. Joseph:Capital, Frenchy.
Joseph:You should have seen it, kids! Back in my prime, without any hard work! My muscles were twice the size! Jotaro:Sounds fake... Cascada:You've been telling us stories for what feels like weeks and it ain't even noon... Joseph:I didn't get into a chariot race with giant vampire horses during the war to take lip from you kids.
Cascada:-sigh- Can we just get some breakfast? Or at this point, brunch? Joseph:Abdul's already making reservations for us. Jotaro:Cool. Polnareff: (That was too close... But with my body back to normal, hers should be as well!)
All: .........
Polnareff: L-let's get going, Jotaro. Young Lady: !! T-that earring! W-wait! Are you...!? Polnareff: I'm sorry, but I don't think we've met. We're just travelers passing through... This is my first time in this country. We have to move on to the next town.
All: ......... Polnareff: Don't say a word, Jotaro! That goes for you too, Cascada! And you, Mr. Joestar! Jotaro: ............
Polnareff: Abdul! That's my line! Where the hell were you!? Abdul:They will not seat us until the entire party has arrived! Cascada:Let's hit the road, then! Iggy: Wuff!
