Last time, Cascada learned an ancient martial breathing technique from a manual Abdul found at a street stall (watch Kung Fu Hustle, it's a good movie), provided electricity to those in need, totally failed to smoke some weed, and dealt with a Japanese person's view of India in 1989.
...prepare yourself for more of that last one, and for a dialogue-heavy update.
Jotaro: It's pretty cool. I like it. Joseph: Are you crazy, Jotaro!? You've gotta be joking! Kakyoin: Not so loud, Mr. Joestar. Cascada: I guess it's a love-it-or-hate-it kind of place... Polnareff: Whew! Talk about culture shock...
This section has way more typos and errors than usual. I can't imagine it's easy to fan translate an RPG Maker game... or uh, even professionally translate literally anything, now that I think about it.
Polnareff: What a weird looking toilet... Well, at least it's clean! Nice guys like me, they just can't stand a filthy toilet! ...Nn... Gyaaaaaaaaa!! Waaaaaaugh!!
Polnareff: S-s-s... Suitable!? As if! The... t-t-the... the... The toilet! Look in the toilet!
Polnareff: T-the bowl isn't the problem here! W... wait! Then... do these pigs eat...!?
Polnareff: W-Wait! Don't leave me alone in here! ...I-I think I'll just hold it in until I get back to my room...
It's a bit of a running gag that Polnareff keeps getting attacked or just having trouble when he's in the bathroom. Keep an eye out for it.
I can relate. Combination wearing glasses and having anxiety means I see a lot of phantom figures juuuust out the corner of my eye.
Polnareff: I can only see him through the mirror! Shit... This isn't good! Silver Chariot!
Polnareff: W-what!? How!? I'd better get out of here! It has to be a Stand! But... but where's the user!? Who is he!? It's too crowded here to tell! Damn it all...!! Joseph: What happened, Polnareff!? Polnareff: Just now! That Stand... Finally! Jotaro... I just encountered the Stand that uses mirrors! Finally... I can avenge my sister!
The game gives us an opportunity to save, then drops us outside.
Polnareff: I know my sister's killer is somewhere in the area... I can't just wait around until he strikes again! That's not my style! I'm gonna find him and kill him! Joseph: Even though you don't know what he looks like, nevermind his Stand? Polnareff: I know he has two right hands, and that's enough! Plus, he knows I'm after him... He'll be waiting for my move! Abdul: That's exactly what he wants! Polnareff. I forbid you from Separating! Polnareff: What, you think I can't beat him!?
Polnareff: I'm only going to say this once... I don't give two shits about Dio! The only reason I joined you in Hong Kong is to get revenge! Jotaro and Joseph understood that, why can't you!? This is my fight, and I'll fight it without you! Joseph:I also think it's a bad idea, actually. Jotaro:Yeah, same. Abdul: ...You selfish...! Have you forgotten!? Dio is the one who brainwashed you! Dio is the cause of everything that's happened to us! Polnareff: You haven't lost a sister! You couldn't possibly understand my feelings!!
Abdul:You know exactly how attractive Dio is! Have you forgotten my story!? It's extremely important for the full context! Polnareff:How important could it really be? I've forgotten EVERY detail. Abdul:...You bastard!!
Cascada:Does that mean you'll take orders from ME? Polnareff:N-no! Abdul: You ungrateful little...!! Polnareff: Ooh, did that hit a nerve!? Don't forget, you're the one who threw the first stone!
I checked the tapes and can confirm Adbul did not shove a sword through Joseph's porridge.
Abdul: Fine. I'm just disappointed in him... I thought he was a better man than that.
Here's one of the more interesting choices in 7SU, especially if you're familiar with the plot of the manga.
Could we really live with ourselves if we let the stupid Frenchman get himself killed? Okay, maybe, but we put so much time into training him. Sunk cost fallacy strikes again!
Joseph: What did you say!? Cascada: I can't leave him alone in such a dangerous situation! Once he gets his revenge, I'll bring him back. Kakyoin: But you'll be in danger too, Cascada! Jotaro: This is for Polnareff to deal with himself. We shouldn't interfere. Cascada: I know... I understand that. But I can't let him get into trouble. If anything happens, I'll call you. Cascada:And do you REALLY think he can handle even ONE Stand user alone? All:......
Polnareff: Cascada!? ...I'm telling you, no! I need to kill him with my own hands! Cascada: I know. I won't interfere, I promise. But there might be other Stand users waiting with him! If so, you're going to need a hand! Polnareff: ......Are you sure? All right... but don't push it.
That was easy.
The camera pans up to show two unique sprites, then pans back down.
Polnareff: Which one!? Where is he!?
Hol Horse: Dio promised me quite the sum of money to take you out, you know. Polnareff: I don't need your life story, hayseed! Where's the man with two right hands?
"Hayseed" is a weirdly specific put-down to use here. I'm kind of impressed.
Hol Horse: Geez, you're impatient! Well, you asked, so I'll tell you... He came here with me... and he's close. Polnareff: What!? Tell me where he is! Hol Horse: You don't need to know that... Because I, Hol Horse, will kill you right here! Polnareff: Yeah, that's what they all say! Hol Horse: Pfft... Polnareff: What? Did I say something funny?
Hol Horse: Heh heh... Can I tell you something? In war strategy, tanks beat soldiers, but mines beat tanks. It's simple, just like rock-paper-scissors! Cascada:I don't think soldiers beat mines, though... Hol Horse: Same thing goes for your Chariot versus my Emperor! Simply put... Your sword can't beat my gun!
I looked up what this pun is in Japanese. Hol Horse uses the phrase "弾き" - "hajiki", slang for "gun" - to describe his Stand, and Polnareff fires back with "おはじき" - "ohajiki", which is a children's game where you flick little marbles around (often translated as "tiddlywinks", a Victorian board game). I've seen other translations go for something along the lines of, "My Stand can shoot you" then "Oh, you've got a pea-shooter?", but most official sources have stuck with a Gun->Bum type gag for English.
Polnareff: ! ...His Stand is a gun!? Cascada:HE'S BEEN SAYING THAT THE WHOLE TIME DUDE
Jokes aside, Hol Horse is a fan favorite largely due to this. We've got birdmen that shoot fire, punch-ghosts, evil fishmen, cargo ships, and Hol Horse's super special power is... a gun. That's it. It's not even a laser arm cannon.
Hol Horse: (grin)
Cascada: Polnareff!
Cascada shoves him out of the bullet's trajectory!
Going with Polnareff pumps his FP by a hefty 3 points, putting him at the 10 FP threshold we were explicitly trying to avoid. Oops... though it shouldn't matter for much longer...
Cascada: Yes, with your sister's killer. But that's a different guy! Polnareff: Tch! I don't need your help!
Quicksilver doesn't get too many unique interactions (the weaker player Stands tend to get more, and you've seen by now Quicksilver is a powerhouse), so I definitely wanted to show off this one. Also glad to get a bit more validation that Cascada is in fact kind of a little shit.
Cascada: A Stand... in the puddle!? Kakyoin: The bullet!!
Shit.
Polnareff: That's what she gets for trying to tell people what to do... Serves her right. Kakyoin: ! ...What did you just say!?
Another typo spotted.
Polnareff: That's why I wanted to go alone... Because of people like her. Kakyoin: How could you say that!? She saved you! Polnareff: What a nuisance. Making me watch her die like this... What a goddamn nuisance!
We only just became close enough for him to start calling Cascada "The Machine". Too soon.
Hol Horse: D-damn it, J. Geil! You can't just do as you please! A-and you! How could you take a girl along with you on a dangerous journey like this!? This was bound to happen! Kakyoin: Polnareff! Don't step into their trap. Do you still not understand? What Abdul told you... You can't fight them alone. You ignored him and went anyway... And now you're about to do the same thing! You can't go after them at the risk of your own life, Polnareff! Polnareff: What do you expect me to do? Kakyoin: Cascada came here because she was worried about you. We can't fight blindly... We still don't know how their Stands work! We have to get away!
Polnareff: Son of a...! Kakyoin: Now, Polnareff!
Polnareff: Aaah, damn it! Where are you!? Kakyoin: Calm down, Polnareff!
Polnareff: ! ...Bastard!!!!! Kakyoin: Polnareff, don't let him get to you! He's leading you into his trap!
Hol Horse: Y-yeah... Got it.
Having blasted Polnareff into the truck, Kakyoin jumps in and drives off.
Well, darn. We can't very well continue the game if Cascada's brains are splattered all over the dirt. Guess we better load a save and stay with the group instead.
This way, things proceed according to the manga. Abdul secretly follows Polnareff instead and it plays out mostly the same, just with less "I respect women!!" talk.
My apologies to everyone who voted for Abdul in the Best Buds poll. I had to maintain my poker face over him being permanently removed from the party in only a few updates.
Rather than being distraught over killing a woman, Hol Horse is hyped to start shooting the rest of the party. We also finally get his catchphrase here. Several people have voiced him over the years, but I always liked Hochu Ohtsuka's delivery in the original version of All-Star Battle.
Kakyoin: Do you really get it now? Polnareff: Yeah. Kakyoin:Really? Polnareff:Yeah! Kakyoin:Hm.
Kakyoin: Take that instead of a handshake, Polnareff. Polnareff: Yeah... t-thank you Kakyoin! Blugh... Kakyoin: Next time they come after us... They'll have to take us both on! Polnareff: ...But I still don't like this... I definitely stabbed him with my sword... Yet it didn't do a thing! Even if I break the mirror his Stand is reflected in, there's no way to damage the Stand itself... My Stand can't enter the mirror realm! How can I manage a counterattack!? Damn it! Kakyoin: .......Polnareff. You say "mirror realm"... But this isn't a fantasy novel or a fairy-tale. It's impossible for that to exist. Polnareff: ...........What do you mean!? You saw him too! He only exists inside of the mirror! When I turned around, he was gone!
Polnareff: You don't need to tell me that! But think about our situation!
Another typo!
Kakyoin: It doesn't exist. Polnareff: Man, cut me some slack!
This conversation is particularly funny if you have (future) context from JoJo Part 5, which has a villain-of-the-week with the Stand "Man in the Mirror". Its power is... trapping people in the mirror realm.
Kakyoin: There's obviously a trick behind the Hanged Man. If Stands can only be defeated by other Stands... Then he has to have some secret, some weakness... !!
I don't think I've ever seen a car with reflective plating on the steering wheel. That honestly just seems like a bad idea.
Kakyoin: Polnareff! He's in the plating of the steering wheel! He followed us here!
The screen fades out as our panicking heroes crash straight into a brick wall.
Polnareff: Aaaaaaugh!! Chariot!
He slashes the bumper to bits.
Polnareff: I saw him jump from mirror to mirror! It moves by bouncing between reflective surfaces until it reaches us! Kakyoin: Reflective surfaces...? Then... his Stand works like light! Polnareff: Kakyoin! If he's in the bumper, he'll try to jump from there to here next! Get away from anything reflective, and remove everything shiny from your clothes! Those buttons have gotta go!
Kakyoin: Ugh... That's just low... First he snuck up on Abdul... And now, knowing we can't harm this kid, he's using him... I'll never forgive this guy! Polnareff: Tsk tsk, Kakyoin... You said it all wrong! Listen up. When you're fighting a battle for revenge, you're supposed to say...
Kakyoin:We've all seen that movie, Polnareff... Polnareff:I have no idea what you're talking about! Polnareff: Sorry about this, kid! I'll buy you a caramel candy later, okay!?
Polnareff: I'm not sure how he does it, but his Stand moves at the speed of light. Normally, I can't cut something that fast with my sword... But if this kid shuts his eyes, he's got only one place to run to... mine! I know his trajectory! Therefore, cutting him...
Polnareff: ......Is child's play!
Polnareff: My name is Jean Pierre Polnareff! We've seen right through your Stand's tricks! Moving from mirror to mirror... Reflection to reflection... It's a Stand of light! It's too fast to attack with my sword normally... But when it moves between surfaces, it's completely defenseless! If I slice it in that split-second of motion, it's history! If not for Kakyoin and Abdul, I might have died never knowing that...
Polnareff: R-rrrgh... You bastard... Cutting up an innocent man... Kakyoin: How low can you get!? Take this!! Emerald...!
Polnareff: Arrrrrrrrrgghh! J-just get outta here! Kakyoin: Polnareff! These guys are just innocent bystanders. We can't afford to let them get injured!
No multi-target attacks for us, and J. Geil's hiding out at Long range where it's tough for Polnareff to do optimal damage. Good thing we trained up him on the tanker until he learned a mid-range attack, huh?
Not great, but not bad. How's Kakyoin's ranged damage output looking?
That tutorial book in Japan said to try and gain one level per hub zone! I've just been doing that! It's not my fault!
Defeating J. Geil directly nets you a nice, shiny Badge of Honor. But this is one of my favorite fights in Part 3, so let's see how things work out in the manga.
As a reminder, this is the "win the battle by following the story" command.
Polnareff: You... you son of a bitch!! Kakyoin: Tsk tsk, Polnareff! You said it all wrong. When taking revenge, you're not supposed to say "son of a bitch"! Follow my lead...
Kakyoin: You will pay with your life!
Kakyoin tosses the coin high into the air!
Polnareff: Ohhh! I see what you're up to, Kakyoin! Kakyoin: Polnareff! Their gaze is focused on a single point! Polnareff: In other words, his Hanged Man only has one place to run to! Merci, Kakyoin! He's in their eyes right now! So if I kick up a little dust...
JoJo Part 3 introduced Stands as a concept, and so far most of the battles have been direct contests of power with maybe a smidge of subterfuge. The party beat Dark Blue Moon, Strength, and Devil by punching them real hard. You get the sense Hirohiko Araki was still sort of feeling out the concept and how to make it work.
"Emperor and Hanged Man" is the first battle where the potential of Stands as a storytelling device really clicks. The heroes can't succeed until they figure out both A) how the enemy Stand works and B) how they can use their own tools (Stand-related or not) to counter those abilities. Within that framework, Araki can write a solid back-and-forth as both sides probe at each others' weaknesses.
Then next week we can do it all over again with a brand new weird power. That's shonen battle manga right there; Cursed Techniques, Zanpakuto, Devil Fruits, Quirks... they all trace back to here.
Polnareff: I'll leave the rest to the devil... Kakyoin: So that's the true Hanged Man... The lowest of the low.
In Japanese, Polnareff refers here to Enma here, aka King Yama or Yan-lo, a mythological figure in Asian cultures who judges the evil after death. If you're around my age, you probably think of the version from Dragon Ball - where he was a big red devil man in a business suit - or Ko("little")-Enma from YuYu Hakusho.
With Polnareff's vengeance complete, we fade to another location. There's still another Stand user out there.
Hol Horse: Now I've got you. You're in no place to be taking a relaxing stroll!
Polnareff: ......... Hol Horse: I've caught up to you, so you might as well react a little! It's the end of your lives! Why not go out in a show of bravery!? C'mon! Show a little backbone! C'mon, Mr. Geil! Kakyoin: How thoughtful. He's trying to scatter glass around for J. Geil, not realizing he's dead.
Polnareff: Just quit it! He can't hear you... He's busy being tortured in Hell! Hol Horse: Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk... Come, now! Do you think I'm an idiot? That I'd fall for such an obvious bluff? Hol Horse:Just what I'd expect from the French!
Another goof; this is meant to be Hol Horse's dialogue. I suppose you could read it as Polnareff mocking him, though.
Hol Horse: Cut the crap, Polnareff. Heh...
Joseph: We heard about Abdul. ...We had to bury him in a shallow grave. Kakyoin: The coward who stabbed Abdul in the back was J. Geil, but this guy's bullet delivered the killing blow. He'd have survived if he hadn't been stabbed, but... What should we do with this guy?
I guess Abdul seemed pretty confident he could just melt Hol Horse's bullets out of the sky, but "he would have survived getting shot in the head if he wasn't also stabbed in the back" seems a little silly to me.
A woman and a horse run in from offscreen!
Polnareff: God, this woman...! C'mon, let go! What are you thinking!? Jotaro! Kakyoin! What are you doing!? He's getting away! Jotaro: We're too late. Polnareff:He's standing right there! Punch him!! Jotaro:Sounds boring.
Polnareff:Cascada! Shoot him!! Cascada:Sorry, I ran out of SP killing all the assassins on the way over here and I'm out of Scrap Metal to chew on. Polnareff:AAAHHHHHHHHH
Polnareff: Hey, don't scream! C'mon, woman! Joseph: Lay off, Polnareff! You tugged on her arm so hard, she's bleeding... She was just being used. Besides, I don't think he intends to fight us anymore. He didn't attack us, and we don't have time to go after him.
Joseph: Abdul is gone... But we have to move forward. It's been 9 days since we left Japan. Polnareff:But... revenge! It's my whole thing! Cascada:Quit being so selfish. Two of the past three fights have been about you. Kakyoin:I even had to double up with Jotaro! Jotaro:Yeah, it's Gramps' turn.
Polnareff: Well... So be it! To Egypt we go!
Kakyoin: ......Glad HE'S in a good mood. Joseph: ...? Did you say something, Polnareff? Polnareff: Mm? Nah... Maybe it was a fly buzzing around? There are a lot of 'em around here. Joseph: Yeah, guess so... Hm?
Joseph: Speaking of flies... Looks like I got bitten by something! Kakyoin: Don't scratch it. Indian Beauty: ......
Bit of a big one (and lighter on the commentary than I'd like), but I especially wanted to show off some of the optional content here. See you folks next time!
All: ......
